Written more than 2 years ago... I just rediscovered it in an old email account. How sad that so much has not changed.
My heart aches remembering.....
It hurts to look back on a time when you felt as though you held
the world in your hands. Now it seems that everything I have
ever touched has turned to ashes. I used to believe in myself.
When things started to turn bad I kept wishing and praying that
someday my dreams would come true and I would finally find some
happiness in this world. I believed in love. I believed that if
I did good that good things would come to me. Now I have lost my
faith.
Wednesday, January 16, 2002
I am livid!
I just got off the phone with the Veteran's Affairs. I was to have had my general physical exam tomorrow, something I have been waiting over 6 months for and they have already canceled many times before. Well, yep, you guessed it. They canceled AGAIN. *mad... mad... mad* I received a very nice "thank you for your patience". Patience? What patience? Because I didn't go off on you when you told me yet again that my life continues to be on hold waiting for you people to get my damned exams done?
For the viewing audience who has no clue what I am raving about...
I was discharged from the Navy 7 months ago for injuries sustained during training. I am not allowed to work as a result of what occurred during my time in the military. I would love to work but sorry... no Twinkie... I can't. You think I enjoy sitting on my ass all day not being able to walk to the park or doing the things I would love to do? Well sorry folks, I don't. "Well you can sit in front of a computer all day long and play online." Again no Twinkie for you. I sit in a recliner with a laptop on my lap. I have pillows packed around me to make me as comfortable as I can be. I am on major drugs just to try and untie the knots my muscles love to become if I do much movement. "Well exercise. That will loosen up the muscles." Again... sorry... my condition doesn't work that way. Fibromyalgia is a bitch.
Anyway...
The fact is I received injuries and developed medical conditions as a direct result of my military service. By law I am to receive compensation for my conditions. Something many already know, the military and the government hate admitting they messed up. In my case they did in a HUGE way. I "fell" down a flight of stairs during Navy boot camp. I say "fell" because I cannot prove what really happened. Whatever the case may be, I went from the top of the stairs to the bottom of the stairs and not by walking. As a result of that fall and as shown in x-rays taken 4 months after my injuries (yes they refused to x-ray my spine) I had fractures in my spine. This fall occurred 5 days into boot camp. I, having a high pain tolerance, continued on and completed all but the last physical events (the last physical fitness test and Hell called Battlestations) with the injuries sustained during that fall. Let me tell you, even when offered the chance to sit down during boot camp, I didn't unless I absolutely had to. But I wanted to get out of boot camp so I "sucked it up and dealt with it". I kept getting worse and worse physically and finally was told I was going to be medically discharged and sent to Recruit Medical Hold and then the Navy hospital. I spent a total of 15 months in the Navy, 11 of that living in the Navy hospital. During this entire time I was still treated like a recruit in boot camp, in other words, like shit. Recruits have no rights. We were not allowed visitors. We were not allowed to receive phone calls. No soda. No candy. No fast food. No flowers or balloons. Nothing to make us smile or laugh. Recruits have less rights than a criminal in prison. Don't believe me? Think I am exaggerating? Congressmen and Senators are currently looking into the situation. It was bad.
The Navy messed up big time in my case. There are grounds for a lawsuit which are being looked into. What I am fighting for now are my medical benefits and disability payments. Because of what happened while in the military I am unable to work. By law I am to receive compensation for that. The Department of Veteran's Affairs is the government agency who deals with compensation and pensions for disabled veterans. They are supposed to do this in a timely manner. In my case they have not. It has been one screw up after another. I have been trying to get these exams done since June 26, 2000. It is January 16, 2001 and as yet only one exam had been done. I have gone almost 7 months with no medical treatment because I fit into a medical loophole. The VA hospital said that they cannot treat me until my claim has been settled because I was in service less than 24 months. The state will not cover my medical bills because I have an open claim pending with the VA. And I cannot get a job with benefits because I cannot work. I cannot buy insurance because I have pre-existing conditions. So basically, the fucking VA is holding me, my health and my life hostage! They know my unemployment runs out in less than 2 weeks. They know that I will be homeless soon unless they settle my claim soon. They have know my financial "deadline" since July. They promised to have all this settled and my benefits to me by Thanksgiving 2000. They lied.
And do they care? No. By delaying my exams and delaying settling my claim they are hoping to "low ball" me and force me into taking a lesser percentage than I am entitled to. This is standard operating procedure. My father is a disabled WWII veteran. I know well how they are. Based on my injuries and conditions I am entitled to 100% disability. I have done the research. I am far from stupid. They think that they can stall and then I will be so desperate as to take anything they offer. Wrong. They continue to fuck with me they will have a war on their hands. I am pissed and I have nothing to lose anymore. Nothing.
I want to move. I currently am living in Huntington, West Virginia for the sole purpose of settling my disability claim. I HATE it here! Detest it! Loath it! No offence to those who like it here, but I don't. I have plans to move once my claim is settled. The VA knows this. "So move now." Sorry... no Twinkie. I can't move until my claim is settled. I still have exams and a hearing and a possible appeal. If I move before my claim is settled and have it transferred to another VA my claim will be postponed for at least another 6 months to a year at the least.
Guess what? No "Pollyanna" syndrome today. Nope. It just ain't gonna happen. There is not a damned bit of good to find in this situation. Does it start to make sense now why I keep saying they are holding me prisoner? They have control over my life right now and I hate it! I want my life back!!!
Many blessings on your journeys and adventures.
I shall continue on mine now.
Psyche
I just got off the phone with the Veteran's Affairs. I was to have had my general physical exam tomorrow, something I have been waiting over 6 months for and they have already canceled many times before. Well, yep, you guessed it. They canceled AGAIN. *mad... mad... mad* I received a very nice "thank you for your patience". Patience? What patience? Because I didn't go off on you when you told me yet again that my life continues to be on hold waiting for you people to get my damned exams done?
For the viewing audience who has no clue what I am raving about...
I was discharged from the Navy 7 months ago for injuries sustained during training. I am not allowed to work as a result of what occurred during my time in the military. I would love to work but sorry... no Twinkie... I can't. You think I enjoy sitting on my ass all day not being able to walk to the park or doing the things I would love to do? Well sorry folks, I don't. "Well you can sit in front of a computer all day long and play online." Again no Twinkie for you. I sit in a recliner with a laptop on my lap. I have pillows packed around me to make me as comfortable as I can be. I am on major drugs just to try and untie the knots my muscles love to become if I do much movement. "Well exercise. That will loosen up the muscles." Again... sorry... my condition doesn't work that way. Fibromyalgia is a bitch.
Anyway...
The fact is I received injuries and developed medical conditions as a direct result of my military service. By law I am to receive compensation for my conditions. Something many already know, the military and the government hate admitting they messed up. In my case they did in a HUGE way. I "fell" down a flight of stairs during Navy boot camp. I say "fell" because I cannot prove what really happened. Whatever the case may be, I went from the top of the stairs to the bottom of the stairs and not by walking. As a result of that fall and as shown in x-rays taken 4 months after my injuries (yes they refused to x-ray my spine) I had fractures in my spine. This fall occurred 5 days into boot camp. I, having a high pain tolerance, continued on and completed all but the last physical events (the last physical fitness test and Hell called Battlestations) with the injuries sustained during that fall. Let me tell you, even when offered the chance to sit down during boot camp, I didn't unless I absolutely had to. But I wanted to get out of boot camp so I "sucked it up and dealt with it". I kept getting worse and worse physically and finally was told I was going to be medically discharged and sent to Recruit Medical Hold and then the Navy hospital. I spent a total of 15 months in the Navy, 11 of that living in the Navy hospital. During this entire time I was still treated like a recruit in boot camp, in other words, like shit. Recruits have no rights. We were not allowed visitors. We were not allowed to receive phone calls. No soda. No candy. No fast food. No flowers or balloons. Nothing to make us smile or laugh. Recruits have less rights than a criminal in prison. Don't believe me? Think I am exaggerating? Congressmen and Senators are currently looking into the situation. It was bad.
The Navy messed up big time in my case. There are grounds for a lawsuit which are being looked into. What I am fighting for now are my medical benefits and disability payments. Because of what happened while in the military I am unable to work. By law I am to receive compensation for that. The Department of Veteran's Affairs is the government agency who deals with compensation and pensions for disabled veterans. They are supposed to do this in a timely manner. In my case they have not. It has been one screw up after another. I have been trying to get these exams done since June 26, 2000. It is January 16, 2001 and as yet only one exam had been done. I have gone almost 7 months with no medical treatment because I fit into a medical loophole. The VA hospital said that they cannot treat me until my claim has been settled because I was in service less than 24 months. The state will not cover my medical bills because I have an open claim pending with the VA. And I cannot get a job with benefits because I cannot work. I cannot buy insurance because I have pre-existing conditions. So basically, the fucking VA is holding me, my health and my life hostage! They know my unemployment runs out in less than 2 weeks. They know that I will be homeless soon unless they settle my claim soon. They have know my financial "deadline" since July. They promised to have all this settled and my benefits to me by Thanksgiving 2000. They lied.
And do they care? No. By delaying my exams and delaying settling my claim they are hoping to "low ball" me and force me into taking a lesser percentage than I am entitled to. This is standard operating procedure. My father is a disabled WWII veteran. I know well how they are. Based on my injuries and conditions I am entitled to 100% disability. I have done the research. I am far from stupid. They think that they can stall and then I will be so desperate as to take anything they offer. Wrong. They continue to fuck with me they will have a war on their hands. I am pissed and I have nothing to lose anymore. Nothing.
I want to move. I currently am living in Huntington, West Virginia for the sole purpose of settling my disability claim. I HATE it here! Detest it! Loath it! No offence to those who like it here, but I don't. I have plans to move once my claim is settled. The VA knows this. "So move now." Sorry... no Twinkie. I can't move until my claim is settled. I still have exams and a hearing and a possible appeal. If I move before my claim is settled and have it transferred to another VA my claim will be postponed for at least another 6 months to a year at the least.
Guess what? No "Pollyanna" syndrome today. Nope. It just ain't gonna happen. There is not a damned bit of good to find in this situation. Does it start to make sense now why I keep saying they are holding me prisoner? They have control over my life right now and I hate it! I want my life back!!!
Many blessings on your journeys and adventures.
I shall continue on mine now.
Psyche
Saturday, January 12, 2002
The Woman Who Understands
As the tide went out she found him
Lashed to a spar of Despair,
The wreck of his Ship around him -
The wreck of his Dreams in the air;
found him and loved him and gathered
The soul of him close to her heart -
The soul that had sailed an uncharted sea,
The soul that had sought to win and be free -
The soul of which she was part!
And there in the dusk she cried to the man,
"Win your battle - you can, you can!"
Broken by Fate, unrelenting,
Scarred by the lashings of Chance;
Bitter his heart-unrepenting -
Hardened by Circumstance;
Shadowed by Failure ever,
Cursing, he would have died,
But the touch of her hand, her strong warm hand,
And her love of his soul, took full command,
Just at the turn of the tide!
Standing beside him, filled with trust,
"Win!" she whispered, "you must, you must!"
Helping and loving and guiding,
Urging when that were best,
Holding her fears in hiding
Deep in her quiet breast;
This is the woman who kept him
True to his standards lost,
When tossed in the storm and stress of strife,
He thought himself through with the game of life
And ready to pay the cost.
Watching and guarding, whispering still,
"Win you can-and you will, you will!"
This is the story of ages
This is the Woman's way;
Wiser than seers or sages,
Lifting us day by day;
Facing all things with a courage
Nothing can daunt or dim,
Treading Life's path , wherever it leads -
Lined with flowers or choked with weeds,
But ever with him-with him!
Guidon-comrade-golden spur -
The men who win are helped by her!
Somewhere she waits, strong in belief,
Your soul in her firm, white hands:
Thank well the gods, when she comes to you,
The Woman Who Understands!
- Everard Jack Appleton
Lashed to a spar of Despair,
The wreck of his Ship around him -
The wreck of his Dreams in the air;
found him and loved him and gathered
The soul of him close to her heart -
The soul that had sailed an uncharted sea,
The soul that had sought to win and be free -
The soul of which she was part!
And there in the dusk she cried to the man,
"Win your battle - you can, you can!"
Broken by Fate, unrelenting,
Scarred by the lashings of Chance;
Bitter his heart-unrepenting -
Hardened by Circumstance;
Shadowed by Failure ever,
Cursing, he would have died,
But the touch of her hand, her strong warm hand,
And her love of his soul, took full command,
Just at the turn of the tide!
Standing beside him, filled with trust,
"Win!" she whispered, "you must, you must!"
Helping and loving and guiding,
Urging when that were best,
Holding her fears in hiding
Deep in her quiet breast;
This is the woman who kept him
True to his standards lost,
When tossed in the storm and stress of strife,
He thought himself through with the game of life
And ready to pay the cost.
Watching and guarding, whispering still,
"Win you can-and you will, you will!"
This is the story of ages
This is the Woman's way;
Wiser than seers or sages,
Lifting us day by day;
Facing all things with a courage
Nothing can daunt or dim,
Treading Life's path , wherever it leads -
Lined with flowers or choked with weeds,
But ever with him-with him!
Guidon-comrade-golden spur -
The men who win are helped by her!
Somewhere she waits, strong in belief,
Your soul in her firm, white hands:
Thank well the gods, when she comes to you,
The Woman Who Understands!
- Everard Jack Appleton
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
