01:01 01/01/01

Yes, I am starting this at one minute after 1am, the first day of the first day of the first year of the third millennium. "The first year of the third millennium? I thought that was last year?" some of you will be saying. Many scholars agree that the beginning of the third millennium did not start on January 1, 2000 but began today, January 1, 2001. Arthur C. Clarke, author of "2001 : A Space Odyssey" stated in 1999, "Though some people have great difficulty in grasping this... we'll have had only 99 years of this century by January 1 2000." That it true. The number 10 is not the beginning of a series of numbers, nor is 100 or 2000. It is the end. 1 has always been the first. Thus, today is the first day of the first year of the new millennium.

In any case, it was not the end of the world.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about my future lately. I am 30 years old and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I didn't know at 10, I thought I knew at 20, but at 30 I just have no clue. Correction: I have too damned many clues. In the craziness that has been my existence for the past 4 years so much has happened in my life. I am divorced. My children are living with their father in Washington state. I enlisted in the Navy at the age of 29 *still questioning sanity* and was medically discharged 15 months later due to injuries sustained during training. I am now living in West Virginia, trying to settle my disability benefits claim with the Veteran's Administration. As soon as my claim is settled I am OUT OF HERE!!! Argh! I feel as though my life is on hold waiting for things that may take years. And of course the VA is in no hurry. That's the government for you. Hurry up and wait.

So I am in limbo right now. The docs will not allow me to work and I am attempting to survive off unemployment which ends the end of this month. So now I have the stresses about how I am going to support myself when some days I can barely even take care of myself due to my various medical conditions. *scowls* I want my damned life back!

I already know I qualify for money to get my degree. But what do I want to be? I want to do everything! One of my dreams has always been to get my PhD in psychology. The VA will pay for 4 years of it and I qualify for grant money to cover the rest. But is that what I really want to spend my life doing? I don't know anymore. I don't know if I want to deal with the stress of working in the mental health field again. The burn out rate is high. Stress makes my conditions worse. So then what? What type of degree do I pursue? I could study graphic design. Whether I work in the field or not it is still something I plan on learning. I would also love to do costuming. I used to be good at creating clothing and costumes. I could always go to school and learn design and perhaps even theater production. Some of the best times of my life were spent involved in theater.

See what I mean? I have so many things that interest me. I want to see and do it all.

How did I get started on this whole diatribe? The damned New Years resolutions. I hate them. Did I actually make resolutions this year? I prefer to make my resolutions all year long. *nods* But I am feeling generous and I will share...

- Do what it takes to get my VA claim settled.
- Move from West Virginia. Right now New York is looking really good. There are many wonderful people there who have embraced me and have become my family.
- Do the dreaded diet thing? Oh course I would love to have my pre-injury body back, but I want my health back more. So what is I have a big ass? If they don't like it they can go away. *nods* I will starve for no man.
- Continue bettering myself every day. Never stop learning. The day I stop learning is the day I die.
- Never stop believing in my dreams... never stop dreaming.
- And eat some real sushi!!!


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
- Andre Gide

I wish everyone many wondrous dreams,
Psyche